i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
