He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
