im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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