I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
