I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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