im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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