I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
