where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
