i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
