I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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