well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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