I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
