It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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