U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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