She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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