I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
