Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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