Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
