If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
