And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
