I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
