i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
