im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
