in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
should my penis look like a turkey
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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