I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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