I just made out with a guy for $7.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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