just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You've changed since you got that strap on
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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