I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
