so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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