Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pants are for mortals
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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