Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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