if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
