you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
