Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We smell like vodka and hangover
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