highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
