i was born a porn star she said
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
