the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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