I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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