wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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