Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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