I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My cat gives me a boner
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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