no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sarcasm needs its own font
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
