is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
