but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
