Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
