I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
