halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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