so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
