She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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