I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
