Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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