I got her a Nickelback box set.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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