my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
