Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
