you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
