Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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