i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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