Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
they need to just BURY HIM!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
