1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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