I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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