the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
