Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
