someone get that fucking seahorse.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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