guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
