You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
