a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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